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Trump Talks, We Translate

Very Presidential

Trump Talks, We Translate

Our crack team of translators decode Trump’s answers at today’s Q&A session.

Donald Trump said many, um, interesting things today during an extended question-and-answer session with reporters at his New Jersey golf course. Here are some of his key quotes — and our translation of them.

TRUMP: “I want to thank him,” he said of Putin expelling 755 U.S. diplomats and personnel in response to new sanctions, “because we’re trying to cut down on payroll and as far as I’m concerned I’m very thankful that he let go of a large number of people because now we have a smaller payroll.”

TRANSLATION: “You can’t hurt me! Nobody can hurt me! This just makes my life even better, you big doody-head!”


TRUMP: “Maybe it wasn’t tough enough,” he said of his surprising “fire and fury” ultimatum to North Korea.

TRANSLATION: “My dick is bigger than Kim Jong un’s. I swear! And I’m going to wave it around so the whole world can see!”


TRUMP: “If he doesn’t get repeal and replace done, and if he doesn’t get taxes done — meaning cuts and reform — and if he doesn’t get a very easy one to get done — infrastructure — if he doesn’t get them done, then you can ask me that question,” he said regarding whether Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell should resign.

TRANSLATION: “My dick is bigger than McConnell’s. I swear! And I’m going to wave it around so the whole world can see!”


TRUMP: “The people of this country should be very comfortable.”

TRANSLATION: “I have a bunker — the best bunker, in fact. The rest of you are on your own.”


TRUMP: “You know, they do that very seldom, so I was surprised to see it. I was very, very surprised to see it.”,” he said of the news that the FBI had raided the home of his one-time campaign manager Paul Manafort as part of the Russian probe.

TRANSLATION: “Shit.”


TRUMP: “I think I’m doing the military a great favor,” he said while defending his decision to reinstate the US military ban on transgender people.

TRANSLATION: “My homophobic base LOVES it when I attack the LGBT community! … Have my approval ratings gone up yet?”


TRUMP: “The opioid crisis is an emergency, and I am saying, officially, right now, it is an emergency. It’s a national emergency.”

TRANSLATION: “Someone on my staff told me this would make me sound more presidential. Is it working?”


 

TRUMP: “There are no mixed messages. There are no mixed messages,” he asserted his about his administration sending mixed messages in its response to North Korea’s provocations.

TRANSLATION: “Except when there have been mixed messages.”

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