This is Louise Linton.
Louise is a 36-year-old former actress known for illustrious roles such as “Gorgeous Woman” in a Heineken short.
Louise wrote a “white savior” memoir about her time in Africa as a teenager. Turns out, Louise made it up. Louise had to pull the self-published book.
Louise is now the third wife of her second husband, U.S. Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin.
This is Steven Terner Mnuchin. Steven is a 54-year-old American banker, film producer, and former hedge fund manager. Steven serves in Trump’s Administration as the United States Secretary of the Treasury and the Jewish defender of neo-Nazi sympathizers.
Louise and Steven were married by a perpetually constipated-looking homophobe. “For richer, but never, ever for poorer,” Louise and Steven vowed.
Mnuchin, who’s worth as much as $500 million, and Linton live in a $12.6 million home in Washington, D.C. The home has nine bedrooms, 12.5 bathrooms, an indoor pool and covers 15,902 square feet, which is almost big enough to house Louise’s ego.
One day in August, Louise posted a photograph of herself glamorously disembarking a military jet, after a quick trip to Kentucky with her husband and Mitch McConnell. Louise made sure everyone knew her clothes cost more than theirs, adding hashtags for various pieces of her expensive wardrobe, including #rolandmouret, #hermesscarf, #tomford and #valentino. Some might say Louise is projecting her insecurities, but Louise would say those people are just jealous her closet is bigger than their houses.
Then an Instagram follower said something Louise didn’t like at all! “Glad we could pay for your little getaway. #deplorable,” wrote Jenni Miller, a mother of three from Portland.
Louise got mad! Louise didn’t take the high road. Louise condescendingly mocked Jenni for not having as much money as she and “sacrificing” for the country like Louise has in her #tomford sunnies! Louise used lots of emojis and exclamation points, but not always appropriate capitalization!
“Aw!!! Did you think this was a personal trip?! Adorable!” Louise wrote. “Do you think the US govt paid for our honeymoon or personal travel?! Lololol. Have you given more to the economy than me and my husband? Either as an individual earner in taxes OR in self sacrifice to your country? I’m pretty sure we paid more taxes toward our day ‘trip’ than you did. Pretty sure the amount we sacrifice per year is a lot more than you’d be willing to sacrifice if the choice was yours. You’re adorably out of touch . . . your life looks cute . . . Go chill out and watch the new game of thrones. It’s fab!”
“Damn. Louise is a snooty bitch!” winced the Internet.
The Internet also dug up this picture of Louise ACTUALLY PLAYING MARIE ANTOINETTE. This is why we love the Internet.
Louise Linton, “human being,” doesn’t love the Internet anymore.
Louise has broken up with the Internet.
But Louise will always have #tomford sunnies! Maybe she’ll get more chances to rub her wealth in people’s faces!