I’ve gotta be honest: I’m not sure if this is going to help or hurt our case. But, as FDR used to say, “I suppose accordion-based diplomacy is better than Twitter-fueled threats.”
On Sunday night’s episode of Last Week Tonight, John Oliver focused his 25-minute segment on — what else? — the increasingly acrimonious relationship between the United States and North Korea. John appealed to Kim Jong un via the international language of accordion, offering up Weird Al Yankovic and a full polka band (beginning at around 24:30 into the video above).
Because when you’re under fire for appearing to sympathize with neo-Nazis, mocking a prominent black person is the perfect thing to do!
The good news: Trump calls out white supremacists for being “repugnant”
The bad news: Two days too late.
*Grabs popcorn, waits for Paul Manafort’s name to emerge in this one in 3… 2…*
Looks like Trump just lost another voter. 🙁
Perhaps GoDaddy can lend its newfound spine to Paul Ryan.
So people appreciate it when you don’t take away their healthcare? Whowouldathunkit?
Thanks to Trump’s perma-case of the Terrible Twos, a plan to fire four missiles near Guam will be ready for Kim Jong Un’s consideration within days, state media has reported, as a showdown between the two man babies intensifies.
The intermediate-range missiles would be fired east and over Japan before landing around 18 to 25 miles off the coast of the tiny, unwitting island — which is more than 1,800 miles from North Korea — if they move forward with the threat.
An actual exchange between Guam and Kim Jong Un:
A congresswoman for the U.S. territory, Madeleine Z. Bordallo, called on Trump to show “steady leadership” (lol, glad she still has her sense of humor) and work with the international community to de-escalate tensions and stop North Korea from advancing its weapons program. In the meantime, Guam residents are also stockpiling shirts that say, “We voted for Hillary and all we got is this lousy nuclear threat.”
TRUMP RELUCTANTLY SIGNS RUSSIA SANCTIONS, while also releasing a statement condemning it for being “unconstitutional” and bragging “I built a truly great company worth many billions of dollars. That is a big part of the reason I was elected. As President, I can make far better deals with foreign countries than Congress.”Surprisingly, he did not mention his electoral college victory.
Q: Before he signed the sanctions bill, did Trump have a convo with Putin?
CONWAY: “Oh, I can’t comment on that and I’m not aware of that.”
WHITE HOUSE ADMITS TRUMP LIED ABOUT MEXICO CITY AND BOY SCOUTS CALLING HIM. Which reminds me of a song…
TRUMP BACKS PLAN TO CURB LEGAL IMMIGRATION BY GRADING IMMIGRANTS ON WHETHER THEY SPEAK ENGLISH AND HAVE EMPLOYABLE SKILLS So, a test even the president couldn’t pass.
- CNN reporter Jim Acosta challenges ban as antithetical to Statue of Liberty. White House advisor and unfinished evil Muppet, Stephen Miller, dismisses silly Statue of Liberty “poem” as meaningless. Fun! Let’s watch:
I’m going stand up for those who really need our help — WHITE COLLEGE APPLICANTS!, says president who got into Penn by being a legacy of rich man who donated millions to the university. As did his kids.
Former Arizona sheriff Joe Arpaio convicted of criminal contempt. But don’t worry — he’ll meet plenty of “friends” in jail who will stop and frisk him.
Last week, President Donald Tump beat on his chest and boasted that he had sent an “armada” as a warning to North Korea,
Dramatic reenactment actor
But wait…! Turns out, the aircraft carrier strike group he spoke of was still far from the Korean peninsula, and headed in the opposite direction — toward Australia. (Not surprising, actually, given how Trump feels about Australia.)
Although the strike group is now “proceeding to the Western Pacific as ordered,” Trump’s mix-up du jour has raised eyebrows among Korea experts, who wonder whether it erodes the Trump administration’s credibility (what little it had) at a time when U.S. rhetoric about the North’s advancing nuclear and missile capabilities are raising concerns about a potential conflict.
In other words, they think our president is a moron. And, for perhaps the first time ever, North Korea is not wrong.
“If you threaten [North Korea] and your threat is not credible, it’s only going to undermine whatever your policy toward them is. And that could be a logical conclusion from what’s just happened,” said North Korea expert Joel Wit at the 38 North monitoring group, run by Johns Hopkins University’s School of Advanced International Studies.
Pssshhh. Sounds like Kellyanne Conway needs to educate North Korea on the totally credible concept of ALTERNATIVE FACTS.
A day after Kim Jong Un showed off a bevy of new missiles and launchers at a “MY PENIS IS BIGGER THAN TRUMP’S PENIS” throw-down-slash-military parade, North Korea attempted to cement its military might with a missile launch — only to have it fizzle faster than Trump’s attention span.
Trump in any given meeting
A South Korean defense official said the action took place in Sinpo, a port city in eastern North Korea that sounds like the down-on-his luck twin brother of Sinbad. That also was the site of a ballistic missile test earlier this month in which the projectile fell into the Sea of Japan, also known as the East Sea or the Sea of Kim Jong Un’s tears.
The North Koreans use Sinpo shipyard for their submarine activity, and US satellites have observed increased activity there in April, which just happens to coincide with Trump’s increased Twitter activity about North Korea. Quelle suprise! South Korean and US intelligence officials are trying to determine what type of missile was used Sunday, but initial reports said it could be a medium-range missile likely headed toward this target:
South Korea reports North Korea has conducted yet another nuclear test. Officials are warning residents to seek help immediately if skin radiates abnormally like this:
Well, sort of back.
After being MIA for more than a month, North Korean leader Kim Jung Un has reportedly resurfaced, with state media releasing this photo to end international speculation about his whereabouts. And Kim Jung Un — or, as I affectionately call him, “Lil’ Kim” — apparently spent his first day back on the job giving “field guidance” to a newly built residential district and visiting the Natural Energy Institute of the State Academy of Sciences.
The authenticity of the photo has not been confirmed; however, if that is indeed a picture of his reappearance, then sign ME up for some sweet residential district “field guidance” action! Look at how happy Lil’ Kim is! His smile — so jolly! His skin — so glowing! His hair — so North Korea’s answer to the “Ross Gellar!”
There have been many rumors swirling about why, exactly, the North Korean leader has been out of sight, but only this Smug White Liberal (SWL) has the Top 5 Most Likely Reasons Kim Jong Un Went Missing:
5. He was devoting himself to “excessive cheese consumption” so he could launch a massive gas attack.
4. Now that he’s in his 30s, he took some time off to “get refreshed.”
3. He was busy faking “health issues” so he could stay home from work and catch up on “Breaking Bad.”
2. He was recovering from the disappointment that he got Chris Messina instead of Uncle Jesse on BuzzFeed’s “Who Should Be Your Boyfriend?” quiz.
1. He’s been busy reinventing himself for a career in ’90s sitcoms.