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    Help Give the Gift of Not Deporting 800,000 Dreamers!

    It’s that special time of year when Republican members of Congress get together and plan to deport 800,000 Dreamers. 🎶They’re dreaming of a much whiter Christmas…🎶 And this holiday season, you can make a difference by calling your member of Congress NOW to demand they support the DREAM ACT: 202-224-3121. You can say something along the lines of this:

    Hi, my name is [NAME] and I’m a constituent from [CITY].

    I’m calling today to ask Rep. So-and-So to support a clean DREAM Act and reject Trump’s demands to include massive, unnecessary spending on border security to the bill. It is unfair and immoral to use the lives of hundreds of thousands of young DACA recipients as bargaining chips to score political gains.

    Also, could you stick a fake spine in Speaker Ryan’s congressional stocking, just for fun?

    Please and thank you.

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    WATCH: That Awkward Moment When You Realize a Toddler Has More Legal Experience Than Trump’s Judicial Pick

    Oh, man, this is painful to watch. A Trump judicial nominee struggled to answer the most basic legal questions posed to him by a Republican senator on Wednesday, including his lack of experience on trial work, the amount of depositions he’d worked on and more. I bet he doesn’t even know who Lionel Hutz is or offer expert shoe repair. Shameful.

    During his testimony, Matthew Spencer Petersen, who currently serves as a commissioner on the Federal Election Commission, was asked a string of questions by GOP Sen. John Kennedy of Louisiana about his experience on trials, including how many depositions Petersen had worked on — the answer was less than five — and the last time he had read the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure — he said he couldn’t remember (perhaps he suffers from the same forgetful ailment as Jeff Sessions?). Petersen, who apparently got his degree at Trump University, is up for a seat on the US District Court for the District of Columbia — A LIFETIME APPOINTMENT. The exchange went something like this:

    Q. Can you at least tell us if you know what a courtroom is?

    A. ——

    Q. Courtroom.

    A. Ah, hmmm, well, it’s, it’s a—

    Q. Court. Room.

    A. Yes, yes. Um, as a, uh, room. Or as a thing?

    Q. Either.

    A. Ah, yes. I’m, well, I haven’t see—seen one myself, um, per se. But I understand the challenge ahead of me if I were to be asked to describe a courtroom.

    The take away here is, as long as you’ve watched enough Judge Judys, you’re qualified to be nominated for the U.S. Supreme Court!

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    Today’s Fallen Tribute: Rep. Blake Farenthold

    On the heels of losing Rep. Trent Franks (R-AZ 8th District), Congress GOP must say farewell to Rep. Blake Farenthold (R-TX, 27th District), who will not seek re-election next year amidst allegations he sexually harassed female staff members and created a hostile work environment. Farenthold regularly engaged in such charming behavior as having screaming fits of rage, slamming fists on desks and castigating aides, including regularly calling them “f*cktards” — then firing an aide after she complained. Rep. F*ctard… er, Farenthold… also bragged about having sexual fantasies and “wet dreams” about an aide and told a male staffer about to get married: “Better have your fiancée blow you before she walks down the aisle — it will be the last time.”

    His wife is one lucky lady.

    Farenthold endorsed Trump in the 2016 presidential race. After the Donald Trump and Billy Bush recording was made public, Farenthold was asked what it would take for him to rescind his endorsement, and whether Trump saying “I really like raping women” would be sufficient, Farenthold said that he “would have to consider it.” Farenthold later apologized, saying “I apologize for my failure to immediately condemn anyone who would say something as outrageous as they like raping women… I do not, and have not ever condoned rape or violence against women. That is not the kind of man I believe Donald Trump to be.”

    Sort of, kind of anti-rape. A man of conviction.

    Farenthold leaves behind a legacy of trying to gut the the powers of the Office of Congressional Ethics and dressing in one-piece fleece “ducky” pajamas alongside scantily women in lingerie.

    R.I.P. Rep. Blake Farenthold’s career. While his time in congress may be ending, this picture will live forever, thanks to the Internet.

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    Paul Ryan Contemplating Leaving Congress after 2018 Elections

    They say he’s “soul searching.” Hope he finds his spine in there.

    After nearly a year of enabling Trump’s racism, sexism and xenophobia, House Speaker Paul Ryan is thinking about hanging up his gavel.

    But not his weights! Never his weights.

    Those people close to Ryan told CNN they believe it is possible that he could leave Congress after the 2018 midterm elections, if he can achieve his goal of screwing over most Americans with the rushed, error-filled tax plan that offers the biggest shift of wealth to the rich since Reagan. What a legacy!  However, some say his departure could possibly happen even before he taxes kids’ school pencils to pay for corporate tax cuts, because he “particularly dislikes the toll the job takes on his family,” according to multiple sources, and “is in the pockets of Russia and totally freaking out,” according to even more totally credible sources on Twitter.

    Also, his congressional gym membership is up soon, so…

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    The FCC Just Killed Net Neutrality! What Are You Going to Do Next?!

    I’m going to pay $199/month for Twitter! Yay!

    R.I.P. net neutrality — at least for now. The Republican-led Federal Communications Commission today approved, by a 3-2 vote, a repeal of the tough net neutrality rules it put in place just two years ago under Obama. Those rules prevented internet providers from blocking and throttling traffic and offering “fast lanes” for mo’ money. And you can largely thank this guy, FCC chairman Ajit Pai, for screwing over consumers in favor of multi-billion-dollar broadband companies. (More like Ajit Pai(d), amirite? …If it were pronounced “pay,” that is, but let’s not get bogged down by actual facts… it’s 2017, after all!)

    Look at him. He thinks he’s the cool guy at the office, but he’s actually Michael Scott.

    But with less of a desire to be loved and accepted, apparently, given 83 percent of voters supported keeping FCC’s net neutrality rules.

    So now it’s up to us to call upon our representatives to fight the repeal in courts and in the halls of Congress, before the repeal goes into effect and your access to certain content on the Internet is cut o–

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    Today’s Fallen Tribute: Rep. Trent Franks

    Today Congress GOP has lost one of its own, Rep. Trent Franks, after succumbing to his freakish desire to pressure female aids into carrying his child, at one point offering $5 million to act as a surrogate from him and his wife. A day after announcing he would step down at the end of January, Rep. Trent Franks said he would resign immediately.

    “Last night, my wife was admitted to the hospital in Washington, D.C., due to an ongoing ailment. After discussing options with my wife, we came to the conclusion that the best thing for our family now would be for me to tender my resignation effective today, December 8th, 2017,” Franks said in a statement.

    Franks leaves behind a legacy of skepticism about global warming, ardent opposition to same-sex marriage and abortion, and a “crisis pregnancy center,” which lies to, shames, and intentionally misleads women about their reproductive-health-care options to block them from accessing abortion care, that he founded in Arizona.

    R.I.P. Trent Franks’ career.

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