Happy National Pie Day! What better way to celebrate this important holiday than by baking a pumpkin pie that emulates our president?
Recipe: Donald Trump Pumpkin Pie
- 2 eggs that can be cracked as easily as the president’s fragile ego
- 1 can pumpkin puree whose color provides the inspiration for the level of the president’s spray tan
- 1 can condensed milk that’s as sweet as Trump is to his reflection every morning
- 1 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice to make it taste less like a shithole
- 1 unbaked pie crust. The crustier, the better.
- Preheat oven to 425 degrees, even though Stormy says things don’t get that hot and steamy with the president.
- Combine eggs, pumpkin puree, sweetened condensed milk, and pumpkin pie spice in a large bowl and mix until combined. Don’t be afraid to really stir things up.
- Put pie crust into a 9-inch pie dish; regardless of whether you get it to fit, yell “Winning!” then pour pumpkin mixture into the crust. If you make a mess, blame Obama or Hillary.
- Place pie on a baking sheet and bake in the preheated oven for 15 minutes. Reduce heat to 350 degrees and bake until filling is set, 35 to 40 minutes. If you start to smell something burning, run off to a golf course and let Mitch McConnell figure out how to put out the fire.
And voilà! A Trumpkin pie.
Serves the 36% of Americans who prefer a choke down a sour-tasting dessert with no substance.