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    Watch Seth Meyers’ Rockin’ Mellencamp-Inspired Tribute to ‘Sneaky Dianne’

    Late Night With Seth Meyers parlayed Donald Trump’s latest insulting nickname into a catchy “Jack and Diane” parody: “Sneaky Dianne.”

    Trump’s insult-laden tweet was a response to California Senator Dianne Feinstein’s ballsy move of releasing the full transcript of Fusion GPS co-founder Glenn Simpson’s testimony to the Senate Intelligence Committee regarding the Russian dossier.

    “The fact that Sneaky Dianne Feinstein, who has on numerous occasions stated that collusion between Trump/Russia has not been found, would release testimony in such an underhanded and possibly illegal way, totally without authorization, is a disgrace,” Trump tweeted.

    A good rule of thumb: if you earn a nickname from Trump that even third-graders would consider childish, you’re doing something right. (Except you, Kim Jong-un. Never you, “Little Rocket Man.”)

    The exchange inspired “Amber Cougar Mellencamp,” also known as Late Night writer Amber Ruffin, to come up with this awesome riff:

    “A little ditty about ‘Sneaky Dianne’/ An American girl reppin’ California land/ For leakin’ transcripts she deserves a gold star/ Proof President Trump tryin’ to be a Russian czar.”

    “Trump, he says, ‘Hey Dianne, why you witch hunting me?’/ She said, ‘You’re lucky I don’t have the tape with the hooker pee.'”

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    Trump’s Lawyer Paid Porn Star $130K to Silence Her Over Affair with Trump

    A lawyer for President Trump reportedly arranged a six-figure payment to Stormy Daniels, star of such esteemed films as Good Will Humping, Young & Anal (part of Trump’s obsession with “shitholes”?), Trailer Trash Nurses 6 and Big Busted Goddesses of Las Vegas, to keep her from discussing a sexual encounter with Trump while Melania was pregnant.

    The Wall Street Journal reported that Michael Cohen, an attorney for the Trump Organization at the time and now Trump’s personal lawyer, arranged for Stephanie Clifford (aka Stormy Daniels) to receive $130,000 as part of a nondisclosure agreement one month before the 2016 presidential election.

    Stormy has privately told sources interviewed by the Journal that she and Trump had a consensual sexual encounter in 2006, the year after he and Melania were married. Guess the poor guy had the “Twelve-Month Itch.” Stormy was 27 years old, just two years older than Ivanka, at the time of the “alleged” encounter in Lake Tahoe.

    A White House official declined to comment about the payment specifically, but said that the allegations of the interaction between Trump and Stormy were “old, recycled reports, which were published and strongly denied prior to the election.” As convincing as Cohen’s usual line of defense…

    Hey, in Trump’s defense, we’re sure he was just trying to get the inside scoop on what happens in Trailer Trash Nurses 7!

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    5 Reasons Why Trump’s “Shithole” Comment Wasn’t Really That Bad

    Okay, sure, President Trump reportedly called Haiti and African countries “shitholes” and wondered why the United States didn’t recruit more (white) immigrants from places like Norway, but that doesn’t mean his comment was intended to be derogatory! In fact, here are some reasons why it may just have been a compliment:

    #1 – Trump’s “shithole” is where he happens to pull most of his ideas from!

    #2 – “Shitholes” also is Trump’s pet nickname for his eldest sons.

    Awwww. Shithole #1 and 2.

    #3 – It was an honor bestowed upon Trump in his younger years.

    #4 – And he’s lived up to it! Trump is indeed an (ass)hole full of shit.

    #5 – It describes Trump’s possible retirement home!

    See? Clearly a term of endearment.

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    BREAKING: Norway Responds to Trump’s Request for More Norwegian Immigrants

    President Trump reportedly grew frustrated with lawmakers today when they floated restoring protections for immigrants from Haiti, El Salvador and African countries as part of a bipartisan immigration deal, according to two people briefed on the meeting.

    “Why are we having all these people from shithole countries come here?” Trump said, referring to African countries and Haiti. He then suggested that the United States should instead bring more people from countries like Norway (read: white people), prompting this immediate response from the Scandinavian country:

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    Prime Minister of Norway Erna Solberg’s Internal Dialogue While Meeting With President Trump

    President Trump met with Prime Minister of Norway, Erna Solberg, yesterday to discuss the Paris Climate Agreement, Trump’s IQ and This Is Us spoilers. Only The NewsFlasher has a play-by-play of the prime minister’s internal dialogue during the meeting.

    #1 – The two exchanged pleasantries.

    #2 – So, so pleasant.

    #3 – Things got spiritual.

    #4 – Trump introduced her to others.

    #5 – They discussed sizable matters.

    #6 – And ended the meeting on a playful note.

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    Harvey Weinstein Attacked at Scottsdale Restaurant

    As you can see, Harvey Weinstein, clad in a hipster beanie, was slapped twice and verbally berated by a fellow diner at a restaurant in Scottsdale, Arizona (where Weinstein is seeking treatment for his asshole affliction), after Weinstein refused to take a picture with him.

    Awwww. Sucks to be touched inappropriately without your consent, doesn’t it, Harvey?

    We’d have slapped him for the beanie alone. We’d also have more respect for the attacker if he’d hit him for, you know, sexually harassing every woman in Hollywood and their mom instead of turning down a selfie for Instagram. #Priorities

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    Trump: Bannon Has ‘Lost His Mind’

    Awwww. Looks like these two sexy beasts are officially on the outs.

    An excerpt from Michael Wolff’s news book, “Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House,” was just released, featuring a quote from Trump’s former BFF and White House chief strategist Steve Bannon calling the 2016 Trump Tower meeting between Trump campaign officials and a Russian lawyer “treasonous” — prompting Trump to fire back with a statement questioning Bannon’s mental stability, honesty and political influence. (Oh, it’s ON!)

    “Steve Bannon has nothing to do with me or my Presidency. When he was fired, he not only lost his job, he lost his mind. Steve was a staffer who worked for me after I had already won the nomination by defeating seventeen candidates, often described as the most talented field ever assembled in the Republican party. Now that he is on his own, Steve is learning that winning isn’t as easy as I make it look. Steve had very little to do with our historic victory, which was delivered by the forgotten men and women of this country. Yet Steve had everything to do with the loss of a Senate seat in Alabama held for more than thirty years by Republicans. Steve doesn’t represent my base — he’s only in it for himself.”

    “Also, like, I’m sorry Steve is jealous of me, but I can’t help it I’m so popular.”

    Next thing you know, Trump will be replacing Bannon’s facial wash with foot cream —

    –Oh. Hmmm. Or perhaps he’s already been doing that. We’ll keep you posted on this little tiff. In the meantime, here’s a live stream of the GOP implosion:

     

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