After getting mercilessly skewered on Late Night shows, I thought it was only fair to give President Trump a platform to respond. Let’s see what nuggets of wisdom he has to offer in response to their punchlines…
STEPHEN COLBERT: “I know Trump watches this show — because it’s on TV. So right now I’ve got a special message for him. Mr. President, ignore your lawyers, sir. You follow your instincts. You sit down with Robert Mueller. Otherwise, everyone’s going to think that you’re scared. But we know you’re not. Oh, oh, your fried chicken has arrived! [grabs paper bucket] But wait, it’s empty. Where is that — oh, I think I know where the chicken is! Buck-aww!”
Hey, at least he’s owning it.
TREVOR NOAH (ON TRUMP CALLING DEMS “TREASONOUS”): “I’m so shocked that the president really will just repeat anything someone random in a crowd shouts at him. Like, treason is not typically prosecuted in a call-and-response fashion. Even if you said treason to a parrot, the bird would be like, ‘Bawk! I’m not saying that, that’s a serious charge! Bawk! P.S. Polly doesn’t say ‘cracker’ anymore. I’m woke!’ ”
“Bald eagles are woke, too, Trevor.”
JIMMY FALLON: “There were reports that Doritos was launching a lady-friendly chip that is quieter and not as orange. If that goes well, they’re going to try to do the same thing with the president.”
TRUMP RESPONDS: “Joke’s on you, Jimmy–both the chips and I will still leave one hell of a mess wherever we go!”
JIMMY KIMMEL: “Donald Trump is like the bus from ‘Speed.’ If he doesn’t tell 60 lies an hour, he blows up. Fried chicken and cheeseburgers go everywhere.”
Ouch. Got ya there, Jimmy!