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Hot Flashes: Star Wars Soars, Trump Grovels and Neo-Nazi Charged

Today’s news forecast: sunny outlook for ‘Star Wars: The Last Jedi”s box office haul,” which is soaring to a near-record $45 million in Thursday previews, with a 100% chance of Star Wars fans totally geeking out.

IN THE HEADLINES…

Women need to have more babies to save the economy, says Paul Ryan…
…while decimating affordable healthcare and quality public schools, and refusing to support paid parental leave.

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson strongly considering presidential run in 2024
Because a celebrity-turned-president with no government experience has worked out so well for us!

Speaking of which…

Trump thanks Putin for remarks on strong US economy
So he called a foreign adversary who interfered in U.S. democracy to sway the 2016 election and expelled U.S. diplomats from Russia, to say…thank you.

Dramatic reenactment of the call

First-degree murder charge for man accused of ramming crowd in Charlottesville protesting White Nationalists, killing one
But, hey, he’s a very fine person, says the president!

TWIT WIT


ENTERTAINMENT

Dustin Hoffman accused of exposing himself to teen girls, assaulting more women
“Method acting” to play Roy Moore one day?

Without Matt Lauer, Today show wins back-to-back weeks
Huh. Guess his victims weren’t the only ones who didn’t want to wake up with a smug sexual harasser.

LATE-NIGHT LAUGH

“The only thing that should slow your internet speed is the number of people also sitting at Starbucks working on their screenplays.”

-Stephen Colbert on the FCC voting to repeal net neutrality

Today’s Fallen Tribute: Rep. Blake Farenthold

WATCH: That Awkward Moment When You Realize a Toddler Has More Legal Experience Than Trump’s Judicial Pick