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    North Korea: Ready to Strike Guam Within Days

    Thanks to Trump’s perma-case of the Terrible Twos, a plan to fire four missiles near Guam will be ready for Kim Jong Un’s consideration within days, state media has reported, as a showdown between the two man babies intensifies.

    The intermediate-range missiles would be fired east and over Japan before landing around 18 to 25 miles off the coast of the tiny, unwitting island — which is more than 1,800 miles from North Korea — if they move forward with the threat.

    An actual exchange between Guam and Kim Jong Un:

    A congresswoman for the U.S. territory, Madeleine Z. Bordallo, called on Trump to show “steady leadership” (lol, glad she still has her sense of humor) and work with the international community to de-escalate tensions and stop North Korea from advancing its weapons program. In the meantime, Guam residents are also stockpiling shirts that say, “We voted for Hillary and all we got is this lousy nuclear threat.”

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