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    R.I.P. Omarosa’s White House Career

    (January 4, 2017 – December 13, 2017) Omarosé Onée “Omarosa” Manigault-Newman’s White House Career, 11 months, borne out reality TV villain infamy, passed away in a humiliating fashion on December 13, 2017, as she tried to re-enter the White House to take up her firing with the president over John Kelly’s objection, and had to be stopped by Secret Service and dragged from the grounds, kicking and screaming.

    Actual footage of Omarosa being escorted from the White House.

    Omarosa’s White House Career, which, coincidentally, was ended the very morning after black women overwhelmingly helped elect Doug Jones the senator of Alabama, was preceded in death by former Chief Strategist Steve Bannon, White House Communications Director Michael Dubke, former Press Secretary Sean Spicer, former FBI Director James Comey, White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci, former White House Chief-of-Staff Reince Priebus, former Director of the Office of Government Ethics Walter Shaub, former National Security Advisor Michael Flynn, Acting Attorney General Sally Yates, and former US Attorney for the Southern District of Manhattan Preet Bharara.

    Omarosa leaves behind a work legacy of, well, nobody’s really sure, beyond keeping her shoes “all over the White House,” using the headquarters of the executive branch as her wedding-procession backdrop, with a photo shoot that could not be released because that would constitute a security breach, inviting a journalist to trail her in the White House without notifying anyone else on the communications team, and canceling an appearance on The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, where she had planned to promote her episode of TLC’s Say Yes to the Dress. A huge loss for the people of the United States, to say the least.

    No word on where she’ll keep her shoes now. Please keep her homeless footwear in your prayers.

     

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    R.I.P. Steve Bannon’s White House Career

    (January 20, 2017 – August 18, 2017) Steven “Steve” Bannon’s White House Career, 8 months, borne out of Breitbart infamy, passed away scandalously on August 18, 2017. “White House Chief of Staff John Kelly and Steve Bannon have mutually agreed today would be Steve’s last day,” writes White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabeee Sanders, amidst rumors Bannon was forced out because he is “not a team player and out for self promotion.” In other words, for being exactly like Trump.

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