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5 Things We Learned from Taylor Swift’s Groping Trial

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5 Things We Learned from Taylor Swift’s Groping Trial

We are never, ever… taking another picture together.

Taylor Swift told a Denver jury yesterday that there was no question she was intentionally groped in 2013 by a radio host, David Mueller, who is suing her because, he says, she falsely accused him and cost him his career. So she counter-sued for assault and battery — for $1. Here is what we’ve learned so far:

#1 – Despite the DJ’s claims, his hand was clearly nowhere near her rib cage. Unless her ribs have collapsed into her ass cheeks, in which case, Taylor may have even bigger problems than this trial.

#2 – 27-year-old Taylor has more presence of mind than our 72-year-old president.

#3 – People are still victim-blaming assholes.

#4 – The courtroom sketch artist had a less creepy approach than Tom Brady’s.

#5 – If all else fails, the DJ has a promising career as our next president.

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